


Here I Am

by touchandgo (hardeight)



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-09-23 21:58:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9680747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hardeight/pseuds/touchandgo
Summary: Credence plays online to escape his shitty life and finds that fate always, somehow, has a way.No longer getting updated.





	1. Bedshaped

Credence had been playing Tales of Empires pretty much since his mom had graciously bought him a computer. One that sucked, sure, but it worked and he had found several ways of tweaking it to run better. His mom had been very strict about everything he did, constantly keeping guard of his history and getting furious at him more than once for reading news or sites she didn’t approve of. Eventually, he had found a way around most of the “security programs” (as his mom called it) installed and made sure he could at least do a couple of things without her watchful eye on him. And that included the online game Tales of Empires that he’d stay up to play a little too often and end up tired in the morning. It was based around PvP mostly, but he just loved exploring and training whatever skill he could. He hadn’t talked to a lot of people on it though, mostly due to the fact that he was a low-level and therefore nobody needed anything from him and he wasn’t exactly the most sociable person to begin with.   
  
But then at one point where he’d been training Divination, some player who was maxed out had run up next to him. ‘GravesDanger’ had been his username and though Credence hadn’t known exactly what Graves was in reference to at that point, he’d still enjoyed the pun.   
  
GravesDanger: Hey sup, you happen to know what the new event’s about?   
  
He hadn’t had any clue what new event the guy had talked about, and he frankly had no clue why someone who was literally maxed out would ask him. But he’d admired just how cool the guy looked, even though it was just some pixels on his screen and he’d felt almost embarrassed about not looking the least bit interesting, how even online he was a loser.   
  
Obscuring: no sorry   
GravesDanger: Ah, well. You up for finding out?   
  
And then that had been the start of getting to know Percival Graves and really, Credence’s admiration had only grown.   


* * *

  
It was a Monday and Credence had as usual spent most of the day doing a bunch of chores and reading a book approved by his mom to be used for her homeschooling program later on. He’d always feel dread and anxiety whenever she’d hand him a new book. He knew he had to read and understand it all if he didn’t want consequences, and the pool of tar in his stomach wouldn’t be gone before he was completely sure he knew the book almost word by word. He’d read about it online, how abuse of children was wrong and punishable by law, but he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He didn’t want to end up on the streets with no money or a job, so he was confined to the walls of Mary Lou’s house. He knew it wasn’t his home.   
  
After dinner, his mom had gone almost straight to bed and sent him to bed too, so he’d run almost right to his computer after he was sure it was safe to.   
  
First thing he did was go to his friend list to check if Percy was online. It was sort of a ritual, really, though he knew it was ridiculous. When he saw that he was, his pulse quickened just a little like it always did when it had to do with Percy. It was sort of pathetic, but he was the only person Credence considered a friend. And really he hadn’t had that many friends. He hadn’t really had any at all. They’d been talking for about three months by now, some days just simple things and other days more personal things, but either way, Credence had started to find a reason to get excited to wake up and it was something he wasn’t used to. The pit of dread would lighten when he got to play and talk with him.   
  
He sat contemplating what to write. He’d go for hi or hey or hello or really any greeting, but maybe Percy was busy right now and didn’t wanna be disturbed. Credence had noticed he was rarely ever the one to write first in fear that he’d somehow mess up and annoy Percy enough to leave.   
  
It didn’t take a more than a few minutes though before two messages from Percy popped up on his chatbox.   
  
GravesDanger: Hey kid.   
GravesDanger: Had a nice day?   
  
Credence couldn’t help but to smile and bury his head in his blanket. He knew it was completely casual and that Percy probably just wrote hi to everyone and had a bunch of people he spoke to, but it still felt special to him. He needed it to be special. On top of that, he knew Percy didn’t live that far from him, he lived somewhere in New York City (if he wasn’t lying), no more than a bus trip away. He knew he didn’t have the money nor a house to come back to if he left though, so even daydreaming about going there to find him felt wrong. The fact that he was even in contact with someone like Percy, older than him and a stranger, on a game he wasn’t allowed to play, was enough to get him in deep, deep trouble. And he tried to avoid trouble at any cost. And really, most importantly, he knew Percy probably wouldn’t be interested in having a depressed, broken kid living anywhere near him.   
  
Obscuring: hmm it was alright   
Obscuring: i can’t sleep so i’m probably going to stay up all night   
GravesDanger: Same here.   
GravesDanger: I swear this city is so noisy. It really never does sleep.   
Obscuring: haha i wouldn’t know but i can imagine   
GravesDanger: I bet you’d hate the noises here.   
Obscuring: idk   
Obscuring: i think i might like the noises drowning everything out?   
Obscuring: if that makes any sense   
GravesDanger: Ah yeah. That makes sense. I guess you’re right, that can be pretty nice.   
GravesDanger: I tend to drown things in loud music and alcohol.   
Obscuring: haha oh no don’t tell me you’re an alcoholic   
GravesDanger: Haha nah, I’m not that bad.   
Obscuring: hmm i hope   
Obscuring: otherwise i’d have a one man intervention   
GravesDanger: Honestly you’d probably convince me to stop if I did have a problem.   
  
Credence swore he nearly squealed and he immediately drew a hand up to his mouth to make sure his ma couldn’t hear. He read the last message again, just to make sure he had gotten it right. He drew the blanket around himself a little tighter, his cheeks getting warm and he felt just a slight hint of confidence, something he rarely ever felt. He knew it was probably stupid to think it mattered, but he longed for the small hints of affection even if they weren’t more than friendly gestures.   
  
Obscuring: well i’m versatile, i can hold interventions about a lot of things   
Obscuring: do you have any problems you need interventions for, mr. graves?   
GravesDanger: Uhm, let me think.   
GravesDanger: I mean there’s this game, but I’m not leaving that as long as you’re here.   
GravesDanger: Okay jesus, come fight these assholes with me, I’m getting overrun.   
  
Credence felt his heart beat faster and he tried to repress his smile and he switched worlds to go find him.   
  
GravesDanger: Also Mr. Graves? When did that happen?   
  
He chuckled lightly and answered him in person once he found him by some monsters that he knew he could only barely kill. Percy’s avatar looked suave and cool as usual, though he had changed it up a bit since yesterday, having added a mustache. Credence wondered if he was growing one and snorted at the thought.   
  
Obscuring: i’m a professional interventioner, i address people accordingly   
GravesDanger: Oh, I see. How many people have you held interventions for then?   
GravesDanger: Mr. Barebone.   
Obscuring: i hold many interventions for myself, mr. graves   
Obscuring: it’s given me great experience within my field, you can trust my expertise   
GravesDanger: Ah, yes. What do you typically intervene about?   
Obscuring: daydreaming, sleeping early, salads   
GravesDanger: Daydreaming and salads should be healthy I hear.   
GravesDanger: So is sleeping early, but I don’t listen to that. Psh… Early sleep… foreign concept.   
GravesDanger: I do daydream a lot tho. Do I need an intervention about it?   
Obscuring: that depends on what you daydream about   
Obscuring: personally i daydream of the void which isn’t really that healthy   
GravesDanger: Oh well would you look at that. I, too, daydream of the void.   
  
Credence chuckled to himself and thanked the lord for somehow giving him a person like Percy to actually forget about the void he felt constantly in his chest. Conversations just flowed easily with Percy and once they were actually talking, he didn’t have to think about what he said or worry about it as much. He could just pretend that he was someone else.   
  
GravesDanger: That’s gotta be a sign. Do you think we’d meet if we both dreamt of the void at the same time?   
Obscuring: idk, we can try?   
GravesDanger: Hmm, but what if there’s others? How will I know it’s you?   
Obscuring: look for a tall odd kid dressed in black and you got me   
GravesDanger: I’ll keep my eyes open.   
GravesDanger: Well, closed. Anyway, brb, entering the void.   
Obscuring: see you there then :)   
  
Credence smiled widely and closed his eyes, even if it was pretty stupid. He tried to imagine what Percy would look like. He had only gotten vague descriptions of him. He knew he worked some fancy place in the daytime that probably required a suit. He wasn’t sure how the man would look outside of work though. Maybe he was a total hippie or really casual. He didn’t know what his face looked like or his hair or his height. He knew he was 38, but imagining someone in a suit in their late thirties was about half the population in New York, so it didn’t give him much. The small nice comments Percy had made flashed across the darkness behind his eyelids and he could feel that he still had a clear smile on his face. He tried to imagine what Percy would look like if he smiled. He was sure he’d look very, very handsome. And he knew he had to stop thinking like that for numerous reasons he didn’t even want to start listing, because it would break the perfect bubble he’d been in for the past three months. He opened his eyes and sighed resignedly.   
  
GravesDanger: Well, imaginary you sure looks great.   
  
He nearly felt his heart leave his body and it was like the hands he typed with weren’t really his.   
  
Obscuring: same but like idk if it even looks remotely like you   
Obscuring: i have no idea what you look like   
Obscuring: are you secretly a dog   
GravesDanger: I legit just snorted out loud.   
GravesDanger: Yep, sorry Credence. I knew this day would come. My true identity.   
Obscuring: well that’s ok, i love dogs so you’re safe   
GravesDanger: Oh thank god. Held my breath there.   
GravesDanger: I mean I’d describe myself, but I’m pretty sure a picture would be better?   
Obscuring: well, uh   
Obscuring: does that mean i have to send one too?   
GravesDanger: No no, not at all. It’s just if you were curious.   
Obscuring: oh   
Obscuring: well i’m pretty curious yeah   
Obscuring: i mean i’m always curious about dogs   
GravesDanger: If my face is disappointing, I’ll send you a bunch of dog photos.   
GravesDanger: Deal?   
Obscuring: haha okay that’s a deal   
GravesDanger: Now where the hell should I even send you a selfie.

GravesDanger: Okay wait wait wait, I’ll upload it somewhere.  
GravesDanger: I could’ve stolen this. God damn it.   
GravesDanger: Wait I’ll take a new one and prove it’s me.   
  
Credence could feel every part of his insides absolutely screaming at the idea of actually getting to see a picture of him. And a recent one too. Like one he’d actually just taken some minutes ago. He had imagined how the man had looked far too many times and even the idea of getting to see him was incomprehensible. He pinched the inside of his hand and stared numbly at his own phone while he waited, contemplating maybe uploading one to some shady site and sending it in return. He knew Percy wasn’t expecting anything from him. It hadn’t been more than about a week or two ago that they’d traded full names and only Percy had revealed where he lived. Credence knew it had probably been stupid to share his name, but the other man didn’t seem like he had any harmful intent at all. Hadn’t tried to get anything out of him or hurt him. He’d just been his friend.   
  
GravesDanger: Well, this is a drag.   
GravesDanger: Did you fall asleep again over there, kid?   
  
His lips tugged into a small smile and he checked the time. He probably had to go soon, just to make sure his mom didn’t wake and catch him.   
  
Obscuring: noooo i’m awake   
GravesDanger: At this point I might as well just send you dog pictures.   
GravesDanger: This light is terrible. I really, actually look like the void currently.   
Obscuring: wait so i have been daydreaming about you all along???   
GravesDanger: Pffffff. Yes, yes you have Credence.   
GravesDanger: Okay fuck this, I’m going outside, give me a minute.   
Obscuring: mister it’s not polite to swear   
GravesDanger: Right, you’re right. Let me correct that.   
GravesDanger: Eff this.   
Obscuring: eff this?? who are you, you’ve changed percy   
GravesDanger: For your information I just snorted again.   
GravesDanger: Also god damn it, okay I’m going now, stop distracting me.   
Obscuring: very sorry mr. graves   
GravesDanger: God damn it.   
  
It wasn’t unusual for Credence to smile far too much when he talked to him. It was just natural and it felt good. It made everything warm and nice, like a freshly made cup of cocoa he’d get once in a blue moon and a cold back against a warm radiator. His hands were freezing because the radiators were always off to save money, and blankets didn’t really do much. He’d retorted to always wearing big warm sweaters and wearing several pairs of slacks at once, even though his mom often scolded him for it, saying it wasted more clothing than necessary. And that it cost even more money to wash it. He wish he knew how to talk to Percy about those things.   
  
He suddenly heard a door slam and it caused him to instantly flinch and close his laptop down. “Fuck,” he whispered under his breath. His heart was racing insanely quick and he moved to his bed to act like he was sleeping. It couldn’t have been worse timing. He’d wanted that picture of Percy so, so badly and maybe now he’d blown any possibility of ever getting it. He knew he didn’t deserve it, knew it was stupid to keep clinging onto him. If he knew just how fucked up he was, he wouldn’t want him anyway. He probably didn’t even want him already.   
  
The entire room felt like it was spinning and Credence tasted bitterness in his throat. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep tears from falling and curled up as much as he possibly could.   
  
\-   
  
He waited an hour or so to even dare to open his laptop again. He knew he’d been sent to bed early and that he’d get punished even worse if his mom knew he was staying up, but he just needed to know Percy wasn’t angry at him. Otherwise he wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, of that he was sure.   
  
He logged on and saw that Percy wasn’t online. He felt the tears well up again and wanted to do nothing else than bury himself far far down in a dark hole where no one would ever find him. He wish there’d been an option to leave a message for someone when they logged on again, just so he could write an apology. Anything. But there wasn’t.   
  
He closed his computer down again and sat there in the dark until the tears started to fall and it turned to sobbing and then to ugly sobbing in his bed.


	2. Spiralling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely comments and kudos. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and that y'all had a Fantastic day.

Credence didn’t log on before it was late evening the next day. He’d had a terrible day, weighed down by the fear that Percy would be done with him, his mom being extra strict with the homeschooling and a trip to the church where the priest had been preaching about how sinful it was to lay with someone of the same sex and that it would result in burning up in hell.  
  
He was sure he was already there.  
  
It was wrong to want whatever he wanted with Percy. He knew. He knew it was stupid. He knew. But he still checked his friend list and saw him online and felt his heart beat, felt himself burn up like always, but it didn’t feel painful. The pain on his palms disappeared and the burning on his cheek wasn’t there now that he was staring at the green dot beside Percy’s name, almost like a green light on a traffic light. Like a sign. Go.  
  
GravesDanger: Hey kid, you alright?  
  
Credence whined quietly and put a hand over his mouth. He nearly felt tears again, but this time they didn’t hurt. He stared out of his window and wondered if this was the hellfire he was warned of. Because he’d never wanted to step into a fire as much as he did right now. He quickly typed out a reply.  
  
Obscuring: yeah i’m ok, sorry i left out of nowhere  
Obscuring: my ma can be really strict  
GravesDanger: It’s completely alright, I was just worried something happened.  
GravesDanger: I’m glad you’re okay.  
Obscuring: thank you  
Obscuring: i saw a dog today and thought of you  
GravesDanger: Hah, yeah? Was it cute?  
GravesDanger: I found a song that reminded me of you today.  
Obscuring: it was really cute yeah  
Obscuring: what song?  
GravesDanger: The Void by IAMX. It’s really good.  
  
Credence found the song on Spotify almost instantly, popped his headphones in his ears and double-clicked it.  
  
Obscuring: haha did you deliberately search for songs about the void  
GravesDanger: Ha...no... Not at all…  
Obscuring: i’m laughing  
GravesDanger: My work here’s done. Pack up boys. I did it. I made the boy laugh.  
Obscuring: you make me laugh all the time  
Obscuring: it’s kinda stupid  
GravesDanger: Stupid? I think it’s pretty adorable. I wish I could hear it.  
Obscuring: stooooop my laugh is ugly  
GravesDanger: I’m 100% sure that’s a lie.  
  
Credence was sure that he had created some false image of what he was like, way sweeter and cuter than he was in real life, if he thought his laugh was anything close to adorable. Really, why would he even think he was _adorable_ in the first place? By now he had nearly forgotten about the fact that he thought Percy wouldn’t ever speak to him again, and he felt sort of ridiculous for overreacting. But then again, he was used to taking things out of proportion, as his mom always told him.  
  
Obscuring: i can’t believe this  
Obscuring: i thought you’d be like “fuck this kid” when i left  
GravesDanger: Now why in the world would I ever do that?  
GravesDanger: I just thought maybe I’d crossed a line and made you uncomfortable.  
  
Credence still felt like he might just be hallucinating all of this and in a minute he’d wake up and Percy wouldn’t be online at all or never talk to him again. He bit his lip to the point of drawing blood, although that didn’t take much effort with how chapped his lips were. Why would Percy care? Why would he care if he made him uncomfortable or care for Credence’s feelings at all?  
  
Obscuring: no not at all  
Obscuring: i was really looking forward to seeing you  
Obscuring: i even tried to fill the void by looking at dog pictures :(  
GravesDanger: Oh my god, you’re so precious.  
GravesDanger: Does that mean you still want the pic?  
Obscuring: i’m nodding  
  
A few minutes went by and Credence could feel his heart thrumming beneath his ribs. It still felt unrealistic to know that Percy had actually taken his time taking a picture for him, making sure he wouldn’t doubt that he was real and for what reason? He didn’t know, honestly. Some very tiny voice in the back of his head told him that it was maybe, _maybe_ , because Percy cared what he thought. But the louder part screamed at him that it was just to make him feel inferior and even more unreachable.  
  
GravesDanger: Here you go: [link]  
  
His heart skipped as he noticed the link and he just sat there for a while, contemplating if he even dared to open it. He felt a rush in his stomach and felt everything flush and his legs grow cold along with his hands. He could click that link and know exactly what Percy looked like. He could know who he was actually imagining.  
  
He clicked the link and swirled around on his chair to squeal into his blanket while it loaded before letting himself turn back around to actually look at the photo.  
He felt completely frozen and amazed all at once, his mouth falling open. The man appeared to be standing on a balcony with New York in the background, showing him from a little above the waist and up. His hair was black at the top and slicked back effortlessly and the sides of his head were shaved and nearly silver. His eyes were brown and captivating and Credence swore he could get lost in them until the end of time… even if it was really just a bad pixelated photo of them. He had just a small bit of scruff and he was wearing a gentle smile and Credence’s heart ached. He knew Percy had smiled like that for him and just him. His hand was holding up a sign with his username and his nails were polished and well taken care of, which was fitting for his outfit. A white dress shirt with a black vest that had white lapels, a black tie with symbols that Credence couldn’t properly make out and some silvery pins on each tip of his collar that had a chain which went on top of his tie.  
  
If Credence had been holding anything, it would’ve been dropped and broken on the floor by now. Holy. Fucking. Shit.  
  
Obscuring: ooooooooooookay  
Obscuring: oh my god  
  
Credence had never in his life felt an ache like he did right now. He’d never seen anyone that gorgeous in his entire 20 years of existence. He had truly stepped right into hellfire. But he was now also 100% sure Percy could do a million times better than him and it made the pit in his stomach grow so cold and big that he felt the disgusting vegetable soup he’d had for dinner in his throat, bitterly reminding him of what he couldn’t have.  
  
GravesDanger: Is it that bad?  
Obscuring: are you kidding me  
Obscuring: do you have eyes  
GravesDanger: Well, yes?  
Obscuring: then holy fucking fuck  
Obscuring: look at yourself in a mirror oh my god  
Obscuring: you’re making me use god’s name in vain  
GravesDanger: So I haven’t disappointed?  
Obscuring: mmmmyyyy gooodddd  
GravesDanger: I appear to have broken Credence.  
GravesDanger: This is a very sad day.  
Obscuring: jesus christ  
GravesDanger: I don’t think anyone’s reacted to me that way before.  
Obscuring: are you sure you’re single  
GravesDanger: Last time I checked I was, yeah.  
GravesDanger: I mean in real life I look like I’m about to deck someone most of the time.  
GravesDanger: Not really dating material.  
  
He immediately saved the photo on his computer and closed the tab down. He already felt guilty about it, felt guilty about just how crazy fast his heart was beating and how much he felt like he was burning up, especially by his crotch. It was so incredibly wrong, but it felt right too, somehow. He couldn’t look at it anymore, but it was imprinted on his eyelids for life. Not dating material? Now that was the biggest lie he’d ever heard.  
  
Obscuring: you’re gonna laugh when you see me  
Obscuring: i’m dead serious  
GravesDanger: I highly doubt that.  
  
Credence turned on a lamp and quickly scribbled down ‘Obscuring’ on a brown piece of paper beside him. He barely had any control of what he was doing, his hands numb and shaky. For a moment, he didn’t feel like he was himself, he felt special, courageous. For once. He took his phone from the table and did his best attempt to take a somewhat decent photo of himself, even though he felt like he couldn’t ever compare to Percy. He swallowed thickly when he thought of Percy’s face again, somehow stern and soft at the same time. Credence loved it. He was sure nothing could ever compare. He knew he’d disappoint in comparison. Knew that Percy would probably stop flirting… or whatever he was doing once he saw him. Sure, looks weren’t important, but Percy could have whoever he wanted with looks like that.  
  
GravesDanger: Little suspicious that you’ve disappeared on me.  
GravesDanger: Not that I mind if that’s the case.  
GravesDanger: I mean I like being appreciated as much as the next guy.  
GravesDanger: You should probably be quiet though, it’s late.  
  
Credence noticed the new messages after he’d taken a photo he’d been somewhat okay with. At least the light from the lamp looked nice on his cheekbones. Maybe he’d look at that instead of the incredibly dark bags under his eyes.  
  
Obscuring: oh no oh that’s not what i was doing  
Obscuring: ffpgpfgphh no  
Obscuring: i was trying to take a photo to send you in return  
GravesDanger: Oh.  
GravesDanger: Haha, well… that’s awkward.  
Obscuring: ssdgfgfdg  
Obscuring: [link]  
  
He had uploaded the photo to the same site, just some random site with a ton of photos no one could even find unless they had a direct link. He wasn’t even sure why he was sending anything to him, but he just felt like he needed to. Wanted to. He turned off the light and waited for some kind of response. Anything. He started to count seconds even.  
  
GravesDanger: Holy god kid, warn a guy.  
GravesDanger: I’m just straight up having a stroke.  
GravesDanger: Have mercy on my poor soul.  
  
Credence felt like he was going to actually throw up. Felt tears welling up, warm and stinging in his dry eyes. Was it good? Was it bad?  
  
GravesDanger: You’re gorgeous, oh wow.  
  
He blinked a couple of times, trying to figure out if he was actually reading what he was reading. Percy thought he was… gorgeous? Actually legit thought he looked good?  
  
Obscuring: iyg thanks  
Obscuring: nobody’s ever reacted to me like that either before  
GravesDanger: Good lord. About time someone appreciates you.  
Obscuring: dgfdhgfhg  
GravesDanger: Okay but… hmm, okay this is going to sound sort of weird.  
GravesDanger: Stay with me and don’t freak out, yeah?  
Obscuring: yeah? uh  
GravesDanger: I think I might possibly have seen you before.  
Obscuring: what?  
GravesDanger: Do you by any chance live in Bridgeport?  
Obscuring: uhhhh  
GravesDanger: I went there on a business thing a month ago or so.  
GravesDanger: Saw a guy who looked a lot like what I imagined you to look like.  
GravesDanger: And now that I see you… I get the feeling it could have been you.  
Obscuring: i...might ???  
GravesDanger: Sorry if this is really inappropriate.  
GravesDanger: I’m not trying to be weird, it’s just… strange if it was.  
Obscuring: what was he wearing?  
GravesDanger: Black, mostly. And like this triangle necklace thing.  
  
Credence stared at the necklace on the table he’d taken off earlier when he changed to his pyjamas and sweater. He took a picture of it and sent it, breathless as he did.  
  
Obscuring: [link]  
GravesDanger: Oh my god.  
GravesDanger: Wait fuck.  
GravesDanger: You’re telling me you’ve lived this close to me all along?  
GravesDanger: And you knew you did?  
Obscuring: yeah … hah. i’m sorry i didn’t tell  
GravesDanger: No, no, no, don’t be, I’m just... surprised... amazed.  
Obscuring: so you’re not annoyed?  
GravesDanger: God no.  
GravesDanger: I’d be content just knowing you exist.  
GravesDanger: But knowing you exist so close to me is… wow.  
GravesDanger: Here’s to hoping I have to go on a trip there again soon.  
GravesDanger: Who knows, I might run into you again?  
Obscuring: i don’t think i would mind that  
GravesDanger: Yeah?  
GravesDanger: That’s good to know.  
Obscuring: :)  
Obscuring: i mean if i had money  
Obscuring: i’d want to go to times square  
Obscuring: and just sit there hoping to see you  
  
Percy went silent and Credence started to rip at the skin by his fingernails. He tried to fight the urge to find the picture of him again, but the folder already open (Credence wasn't sure when he'd opened it) and he couldn’t really hold back. Perhaps he didn’t want to either. He started to bite the skin off and he drew his legs up to his chest as he stared at it. At Percy. He felt a flush run through his entire body, down to his toes and he hid his head between his knees, before letting out a drawn out groan. He tugged lightly at his own hair and looked up at the photo again.  
  
If God had sent Percy just to mess with him, he was one very rude and terrible god that Credence didn’t want to believe in anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fire emoji @ mary lou  
> all my love @ credence  
> JESUS @ graves


	3. Yearn, Yearn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy this is a long one and it's pretty different from the other two, lmao. I hope y'all will still enjoy it!

Credence was sure he was starting to go crazy. He would hear Percy’s voice during most of his day, even though he’d never even heard the man speak. But it was light, gentle, soft. No rough edges or raised warnings. Just warm and inviting. He’d even begun to imagine Percy standing beside him or behind him, his imaginary voice in his head giving him sweet, kind compliments. Especially on nights where his mom would be particularly loud and harsh. He’d caress his own hair and imagine Percy being the one to do it, hushing him and cradling him with quiet praises until he’d curse himself for being so pathetic to think that could ever be real.  
  
It did mean he was starting to feel giddy more often though. His heart was feeling less heavy, his days easier to get through. Beatings less severe when he knew he could talk to Percy later. Percy had gotten far more obvious about whatever he felt too. At least Credence liked to believe that was the case. Calling him by nice nicknames or complimenting him in other ways every single day. It was beyond nice. He hadn’t had anyone’s interest like it before, or maybe, but he’d never reciprocated it or noticed it.  
  
But just as things had gotten better, just as he had started to relax and enjoy the comfort, everything turned bad. Worse, even. Worse than it had ever been before.  
  
  
  
It was a Saturday, after Credence had been down to buy a couple of groceries that his mom had asked of him, a thing she rarely did, because “he wasn’t competent enough for it”. He sensed that it was off, that something would go south for him later. Perhaps she was looking for a reason to get angry at him, maybe she’d tell him he’d bought the wrong brand, even if it was what she’d scribbled down.  
  
He didn’t know it would be much worse than that.  
  
He’d calmed himself by imagining what it would be like if Percy was there next to him, holding his cold hand, maybe put his jacket around his cold shoulders too. He’d imagined how people would look at them, at Percy, look at how intoxicating and contagious he was and _envied_ Credence for it, for being his. He’d nearly forgotten to buy the two cans of beans that were last on his list, lost in thought.  
  
  
He stepped out of the store and walked the short way home, mild sloshy snow by his feet. He was freezing and sniffling as usual and the bag in his hand was heavy. Once he was in the front door, he didn’t see his mom anywhere. She would usually be in the kitchen or reading appropriate books in her chair. He placed the groceries on the counter.  
  
“Ma?”  
  
No response.  
  
He went upstairs to go to her room, except he found the door to his own room open.  
  
He froze.  
  
He found her sitting in front of his computer, something she hadn’t done for months and months, seeing as she thought she could see everything he did from her own anyway. He took a careful step inside.  
  
“What is the meaning of this, Credence?”  
  
He wasn’t entirely sure what part she was referring to. The game? The photo? The saved notes of endearing things Percy had told him? He was shaking, his hands feeling like they’d crumble along with the ground beneath him. It was as if the entire building was swaying.  
  
“I-I-I can explain it, ma.”  
  
She stood up excruciatingly slow, her eyes fierce and piercing and then she slammed the top lid of the laptop shut with force hard enough to nearly shatter the screen. He flinched and stumbled back, one hand on the doorframe to shield his chest, his head bowed.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he whimpered so softly it could barely be heard.  
  
She ripped the laptop out of the charger and took it under her arm before pushing harshly past him without saying a word. Her silence was always the worst. Silence before the storm. Some of the worst beatings he’d taken in his life had been after complete silence. He knew he deserved it. Knew he couldn’t have kept deceiving her. Maybe it was God’s lesson for him. To be tempted so bitterly by the devil and see the consequences it would have. His bubble was broken, like splinters and needles. His head felt like it was buried in hay, heaving for breath but choking from the thick, hefty smell of soil and tasteless spice. He staggered over to his bed and hid beneath the covers, curled in on himself completely. He wanted tears to fall, but all he felt was numb.  
  
He could only just hear sounds of rustling and doors slamming over the ringing in his ears.  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
Three days later, he found himself on a bus on his way to New York City, even though he had no place to stay, no way of contacting anyone else either.  
  
Sitting against the seat was painful, his shirt sticking to his back from marks that still hadn’t healed. His eyes still felt heavy and puffy from tears. He’d been right about the upcoming storm, because his mom had been relentless and unwavering, the pain so strong at times that he was sure he would have passed out.  
  
The only reason Credence stood through it was because he had decided that it would be the last time. He had taken money from his mom’s secret stash the moment she had gone out, packed his few belongings and then he’d run off. He had no idea where to stay, but he knew he couldn’t be there any longer.  
  
He wondered if Percy had noticed his absence.  
  
  
  
Eventually he arrived at Grand Central terminal. He wasn’t sure where to go from there and he barely had any money left. He couldn’t stay at a hotel and he started to panic as he realized he really didn’t have a single place to go. That meant he’d have to sleep out on the streets. All by himself. With nothing to sleep in or on. He still had money to take the trip home and he wondered if it was worth it, perhaps he’d rushed into something he wasn’t prepared for too quickly. Maybe his mom would understand.  
  
He knew she wouldn’t.  
  
“Hey boy, you alright there? Need any help?”  
  
He flinched at the voice behind him and whipped his head around to see a police officer standing there. Shit, his mom had called the police and his ass would be hauled right back there to endure more beatings. She’d probably told them some shitty lie about how he did this often and that it wasn’t any trouble, officer, boys these days, you know. He shuddered and stared wide-eyed at the man.  
  
“No-no sir, I’m just a bit overwhelmed, that’s all.”  
  
“Ah,” he said calmly and looked around with a big grin on his face, “yeah, it’s definitely a sight to take in. Even after working here for over ten years.” Credence then noticed the patch on his jacket. _Security Guard_. So he wasn’t a police officer after all. He let out a shaky breath. “Your first time here?”  
  
Credence nodded.  
  
“Hoo-wee. Just you wait until you see Times Square. Now that’s overwhelming.” He sounded kind and relaxed, not like someone Credence had to fear and he felt his hands shake a little less. “You should take a short walk down Madison Avenue, you’ll find Empire State eventually. Also quite an experience.” He wondered if this Madison Avenue looked like the one in Bridgeport. Very likely not.  
  
He nodded again and then tugged his thumbs underneath the straps of his backpack, only taking one nervous glance up at the man, who then pointed him in the right direction. Credence still wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but it was still broad daylight, and so he decided to take the walk and get acquainted with Percy’s city. It felt incredible to know that maybe Percy had walked here too. Maybe he did every day. Maybe he didn’t live more than a few blocks away.  
  
He thanked the guard and then walked off through the crowd of people, finding himself searching for anyone who looked remotely like Percy. Which was stupid, really, because over 8 million people lived there. But it was a nice distraction from the pain, he told himself.  
  
  
  
He quickly found himself wandering around streets that looked vastly different from his hometown. Tall buildings that looked the same, people who were loud, on the phone, most in suits and skirts and perfectly fitting slacks, most looking like people taken out of movies. He’d never been to any other place than Bridgeport, so everything was exciting and he could forget, if just for a couple of hours, that he’d be stuck out here and not inside any of these extravagant apartments. Everything looked and was expensive. After a while, his stomach started to rumble, so he pulled out one of the old cereal bars he had been saving at the bottom of his bag.    
  
Around him, the sky had begun to dim and it made reality kick in. He either had to find a place to settle down for the night or - maybe - find out where Percy lived. He regretting never having looked up the address before, but it had been too close for comfort. Like a dream he couldn’t touch. It was risky and Credence knew it. He probably didn’t want to have anything to do with it him when it came to actual real life. It was weird, too. Maybe he wasn’t even home.  
  
He decided it was worth the risk though. It had to be.  
  
He found the nearest hotel, a pretty big, prestigious one. He felt incredibly out of place, everyone else wearing suits in contrast to his own worn, boring clothes and all the walls adorned with expensive art painted by people he didn’t know the names of. The ceiling was higher than any place Credence had ever been to and the huge staircase behind the front desk probably led up to rooms bigger than his entire house. He felt people stare at him as he made his way to the desk. The man there barely looked at him, his hair bleached and standing up like a short mohawk and his sleeves folded up, showing off a big tattoo of a scorpion on his left forearm. Credence shyly, almost in a whisper, asked if he could look up an address for him.  
  
“I can look it up for you if you talk fast, sweetheart,” he said more mockingly than the nickname suggested and smirked.  
  
“Please,” he answered and began to tear at the skin by his fingers. “Percival Graves.”  
  
The man kept smirking and squinted a bit at him, scrutinizingly. He wore contact lenses that made his eyes look positively lizard-y. Credence felt like disappearing right into the floor from the intimidating glare. Then he started to type at his computer and he flipped the screen around to show him.  
  
There it was. Percy’s address. That’s where Percy lived, where he had written all those sweet things to him, where he’d been all along. Holy hell. “Uh I - uh, can you write it down for me?”  
  
The man stared at him in disbelief and snorted. “As you wish, your highness.”  
  
Was he really that demanding?  
  
“Sorry,” Credence mumbled but the man either wasn’t listening or didn’t care. Then he handed him a piece of paper with the address written down beautifully, his handwriting a lot nicer than his voice. “Thank you,” he said before turning around to leave, only just catching the man rolling his eyes and flipping the screen back. On his way out, he grabbed a map.  
  
Once outside, his shoulders felt heavier while his heart felt lighter. He stared at the letters in his hand and unfolded the map to start the long search of finding Percy’s street on it. He sat down on top of his bag in the alley that belonged to the hotel. It smelled a bit off, but he’d had worse. His back was hurting too, but not as much as it had in the bus.  
  
  
  
  
After twenty minutes of looking, the streets all started to look the same and the words were blending together and then a door from the hotel opened. His eyes shot up. It was the man from before, pulling out a packet of cigarettes to light one. He noticed Credence just seconds after.  
  
“You again,” he said, his tone lighter than it had been before. Less annoyed, perhaps.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
He walked over to sit down beside him and his cologne was overwhelming, but not bad.  
  
“Guess I should have shown you where it was, too.” He pulled out a pen, placed the cig between his lips and took the map from his hands to circle the street as if it was the easiest place to find and then circled the hotel they were sitting by. He handed it back with a sort of flirty smirk this time. “There you go.”  
  
“Thanks,” he mumbled, breathless that he now knew where to go. He would get on his feet instantly, but he didn’t want to be rude to this man who’d spent his time helping him.  
  
“Your boyfriend?” the man asked and blew smoke in the opposite direction of where he was sitting.  
  
He nodded. It felt weird doing that, but it made his stomach bubble happily.  
  
“Long distance then?”  
  
He nodded again and folded the map to place it between his legs.  
  
“And yet you didn’t know his address and he didn’t pick you up?”  
  
He shook his head. “He doesn’t know I’m here.”  
  
“Oh. You need a ride there? I’m off in,” he checked his watch and took a drag from his cig, “an hour, it’s on the way to my place anyway.”  
  
Credence felt taken aback by the offer, because just a little ago the man had seemed beyond annoyed that he’d even ask for a favor. But maybe that was just a work-persona and nothing else. He wasn’t sure he felt safe saying yes, but the man didn’t seem threatening or strange apart from his extravagant look and he couldn’t afford a taxi, so if he didn’t say yes, all he’d have would be his feet and it seemed to be quite the way off from where he currently was. Plus it was starting to get dark, and he felt even less safe walking in a city he didn’t know all by himself at night.  
  
“That’d be really great, thank you,” he answered and smiled as kindly as he could.  
  
“Great, you can wait inside with me,” he stated and Credence figured it was better than staying outside in the cold.  
  
The hour passed quickly with only a few guests coming in and out of the hotel. Credence sat in a swivel chair and could barely sit still and the light conversation with Gellert, he learned was his name, wasn’t half bad either. It was calming and made the man seem a lot less like a creep. Sure, he kept subtly flirting, but it seemed like it was in his nature, because he flirted with the guests too, so it didn’t start any alarm bells.  
  
Eventually he was led out to Gellert’s car, a grey one that looked like it cost more money than he’d ever seen in his life. A Lotus Evora, Gellert said and he nodded as if he now understood what kind of car it was. He opened the door for him and then took the driver’s seat.  
  
“Got her a couple of weeks ago. She gets even more attention than I do,” he said confidently and grinned as he ran a hand across the steering wheel before setting the car into motion.  
  
Credence was barely paying attention to him raving on about his car once they were driving, talking about its specs and what he would upgrade it with and what not. He just mumbled ‘cool’ and ‘hmm’ whenever it seemed appropriate while staring in awe at the tall buildings passing by, lights flashing in all sorts of colors and he imagined how Percy would walk down these streets looking like a king. He couldn’t wait to see him.  
  
But anxiety kicked in too.  
  
1\. He probably wouldn’t want to see him.  
2\. He probably wasn’t home.  
3\. He wouldn’t like him in the long run.  
4\. He’d think he was a creepy stalker.  
5\. What if he didn’t live there at all?  
6\. Why would Percy even care?  
7\. He didn’t have any money or a job or a home.  
8\. He wasn’t anything, really.  
9\. And why would Percy want to take him in?  
10\. This wasn’t a good idea. At all, actually.  
11\. -  
  
His thoughts were interrupted when Gellert suddenly pulled over. “We’re here?” Credence asked, his voice involuntarily cracking.  
  
“Not quite yet, but… well I’ve been so kind to you, I figured you could return the favor, hmm? I don’t exactly run a taxi service.”  
  
He was confused and not exactly sure what the man was asking. He felt his heart start to race more than it already was. “I don’t have that much money, but you can get what I have,” he said and pulled his backpack up to open it and take out his wallet. Gellert stopped him though with a gentle hand on top of his own.  
  
“No, no, I don’t want your money, sweetheart.”  
  
A cold sensation ran down his back as he realized what he was trying to get at. He stared wordlessly as Gellert smirked and started to undo his belt.  
  
“I- no, I’m-” Credence stumbled over his words and fumbled to get a hand on the handle of the door, “I’ll-I’ll walk the rest of the way, sorry, it was nice to meet you, thank you.” He quickly got out of the car and started to run as soon as he was on his feet.  
  
He felt tears sting in his eyes and he could once again feel the marks on his back as if they were coming apart with every step. His heart was beating from panic and fear. How could he have been so stupid? He was in the heart of New York City, no one here did anything without a reason and to gain something. Of course Gellert hadn’t wanted to _just_ help him out of the goodness of his heart. Fuck. Was God really that much against him seeing Percy?  
  
He grabbed the map from his bag and tried to find an indication of what street he was standing on. It had gotten very dark out and only a few street lamps were lit. A short walk later he found a street sign and found that it surprisingly it wasn’t all that far from Percy’s apartment. He followed the map and kept a sharp eye on everything around him to not be caught by surprise by any other cruel New Yorkers out to get him. But the only person he met was a homeless man who huddled by him asking for change and Credence gave him the rest of the coins in his wallet. “May God bless your soul,” he hoarsely said, smelling an awful lot like beer.  
  
  
  
He eventually reached the street. Percy’s street. The place he had probably walked thousands of times. Suddenly the pain and fear was forgotten. He wondered if any car parked there was his. He counted the numbers of the houses as he went by and reached 21.  
  
21.  
  
He stared at the building for god knows how long. It seemed so unreal. Just this morning he had been at home and now he was standing here in a city he didn’t know, right in front of Percy’s apartment. He’d had more adventure in a day than he’d had his entire life.  
  
He stepped up to the door and looked over the display of several names. _Percival Graves_ , he quickly spotted. His finger hovered over the black button to ring the bell for a little until he took a deep breath and just did it, closing his eyes as he did.  
  
He waited, counted each beat of his heart.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
He rang the bell again and only just then thought about the fact that maybe he was showering or just on the toilet. Or maybe he was sleeping and had to get up first. Or hadn’t heard the bell the first time and was right at this moment slipping into a bathrobe and yawning, running a hand over his messy hair.  
  
Still, nothing happened.  
  
Fuck. He chewed his bottom lip and started to tear at his fingers again. No, he had to be there. He just had to be there, there wasn’t any other way. He needed to be there.  
  
He felt hopeful for a beat and sat down on his bag to wait just beside the door. Minutes went by and then more minutes went by.  
  
Absolutely nothing but the faint, annoying buzzing sound from some electrical cord and a car passing by now and then happened.  
  
He started to cry again, to sob, really. He hid his face in his bag in defeat and figured that this had been God’s plan all along. To humiliate him to a point where he had absolutely nothing left at all. No money, no home, no pride, no anything.  
  
He was no one and God was determined to smack that into his pathetic head with as much force as possible.  
  
What he didn’t hear over the loud voice in his head was the sound of oxfords on the pavement and a low, surprised,  
  
“Credence?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: I HATE ANGST. IT'S THE WORST.  
> also me: continously writes angst again and again.
> 
> oops.


	4. Resonance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well well WELL what a mess
> 
> I love you all & your support and I'm just... man you all make me so happy. Thank you <3

“Credence?” Credence heard a voice say and he froze. He didn’t recognize the voice, but its owner recognized him. A trick of his mind; it had to be -  
  
  
He looked up.  
  
  
Their eyes met.  
  
  
Someone familiar yet so unknown stood there in front of him.  
  
Time stood still - or rather, it seemed that time didn’t even exist at all.  
  
“Percy?” He heard his own raspy voice say, but it was like he was watching the moment happen from the outside. It was all too surreal to fathom.  
  
“Credence,” the man repeated.  
  
He didn’t know what to say or what to do. It was as if no words sufficed, as if every string inside his heart was pulled closer to the silhouette before him. As if the ground rumbled beneath him yet everything stood absolutely still.  
  
  
“My god, Credence,” Percy said as reality seemed to sink in and dropped the bag he was holding on the pavement without care. He closed the distance between them and sat down on his knees right in front of him. It seemed like he wanted to pull him in for a hug or somehow touch him, but his hands landed on his own thighs instead. He smelled like lavender and cigarettes and his long black coat gathered around him on the ground.  
  
  
Credence stared at him in disbelief, not quite believing that this wasn’t all just a dream. His eyes were brown like the fur of a bear, like the muddy ground in the autumn and the way he looked at him felt otherworldly; like recognition beyond physical bodies. As if his own brash, harsh waters were crashing ashore against Percy’s anchored cliffsides and had been since the beginning of time. Credence’s eyes were burning and he realized he was still crying and wiped away his tears to hide that fact. He didn’t dare to look back up afterwards, in fear that the still streets would be the only sight that would meet him if he did. He couldn’t possibly have seen him at a worse time and he felt embarrassed and overwhelmed all at once. He wanted to ask for a hug, wanted to feel warm and safe, wanted to hold his hands, wanted him to take all of the world away. He wanted to tell him that he felt like he’d known him all his life. He knew it was too much though, so he said nothing at all.  
  
Percy ducked his head a bit to try and meet his gaze. “Hi,” he said with so much adoration that Credence felt like his stomach would explode from butterflies. Maybe he was thoroughly biased, but he swore nobody else could put that much meaning to such a simple word.  
  
He sniffled and slowly lifted his gaze to look at Percy again. He looked so gentle, patient and sincere. He was hit by another wave of disbelief and he had to - he just had to - reach a hand out and touch his hair with nothing but his fingertips. Percy smiled at him, that very same smile he’d had on that one photo and Credence fought the urge to cry again. Hi, he mouthed.  
  
Percy reached a hand up to mimic the motion, the warmth of the tips of his fingers faintly touching across his forehead, over his long hair to then tug it gently, so very gently behind his ear and retract his hand again. Percy looked at him as if he was drowning in admiration, taking in the sight. Credence felt as if all the air had been stolen from his lungs.  
  
Percy huffed a weak chuckle as if he too felt like this was all merely a dream and looked over his shoulder at the plastic bag left there before looking back at him with a broad smile. “You hungry?”  
  
He still couldn’t find any words, so he just nodded.  
  
  
Percy got up to walk over and grab the bag before taking a set of keys from his pocket. “I went out to get chinese. I always have leftovers for days though, so I’m betting it’ll be enough for the both of us.” Credence wished he could focus on what he was saying, to properly hear his words, but his mind was clouded with static. The keys clinked in Percy’s hand as he walked back over to him and he reached a hand out to help him on his feet.  
  
He slung his bag back over his shoulder and took Percy’s hand. It was hot in comparison to his own freezing one and the warmth quickly spread to his entire body like electricity, shortcutting the static, as if all his atoms were fighting to see which one could transfer it to his heart the fastest, all other tasks forgotten. He felt goosebumps rise underneath his shirt. The grip around his hand tightened briefly as he got to his feet and Credence feared he wouldn’t be able to keep himself upright, his breath shaky. Had he the confidence to straighten out his shoulders, perhaps he would have been taller than Percy was. Right now though, he felt like he couldn’t possibly have been any smaller and younger. He felt - was - ridiculous and pathetic.  
  
  
He realized that Percy still hadn’t let go of his hand as he opened the frontdoor.  
  
  
He felt his entire body flush, waves of heat spreading through every limb, every chromosome. It felt like a lightbulb inside him had finally been switched out, no longer flickering but shining brightly, unwavering. He wanted to smile just as brightly, but he felt his lip quiver instead and new tears welling up, threatening to fall.  
  
He didn’t understand why he deserved this type of kindness.  
  
  
Once inside, Percy led them into an elevator and Credence didn’t look up even once, too focused on trying to breathe as he walked, his eyes focused on Percy’s shoes and his hand in his own.  
  
  
Four floors up, he noted.  
  
  
They walked past a few apartment doors until they reached number 109. He swiftly opened the door and then let go of his hand.  
  
“I apologize for the mess,” Percy said as he flicked the lights on and attempted to clean away some of the cans and papers on the coffee table before setting down the bag and containers on it.  
  
Credence was too busy to notice any sort of mess. The living room was like taken out of a magazine, fancy but cozy in all the right ways. It was parted in two, a fireplace dividing it along with the edge of a slightly raised floor on the right side. The brick walls were grey, but the floor was of light wood and lit everything up and there was plenty of windows that let in light too, all with blinds drawn up to different lengths.  
  
He wandered around and lightly touched the furniture around him while Percy cleaned up further. He felt like he was in a daze, as if he was nearly floating. Time and space didn’t exist at that very moment.  
  
At first he touched the sofa by the coffee table, a black leather one and underneath it a grey rug. He then quietly walked past the fireplace, a frame leaning against it with a poster inside from a movie he had never watched.  
  
Then his eyes fell on Percy’s desk where a closed laptop was and stacks of papers lay beside it. That’s where he’d been sitting all of those days they’d been talking, every word had been typed out right there. He felt air knocked out of him again. Then he noticed the balcony and recognized the view from it all too well. His hand ran over the handle of the door and he almost wanted to step outside, but he didn’t.  
  
He turned around and found himself unable to take his eyes off Percy. He looked so real. All of this felt so real, but it couldn’t be. He watched him as he shook off his coat and took off his shoes. Credence suddenly felt panic as he realized that he was still wearing his shoes, his ma had always told him to not drag any more dirt inside and he went over to take them off too, close enough to smell the lavender on the other man again. He could see now that he was wearing a black sweater with buttons by the shoulder, the sleeves rolled up. He couldn’t help but stare at Percy’s arms, strong, defined and yet so soft with little brown moles adorning his skin. Credence wanted to reach out and touch them, trace the patterns they made, but he didn’t dare to.  
  
  
Once he looked up from his arms, he found Percy looked at him expectantly, except he didn’t know why he did. “What? Sorry.”  
  
“I asked you what you’d like to drink,” he repeated while smiling, “and no need, it’s alright.”  
  
Credence nodded and he noticed the two moles on Percy’s cheek. “Uh, wat-” he started before the word caught in his throat. He hadn’t noticed how dry it had gone. He coughed to clear it and tried again. “Water’s alright.”  
  
“You can sit down on the couch, I’ll be right there.” Percy continued to smile and went back to the kitchen that was out of Credence’s sight. He went over to sit down, although it almost felt like an intrusion to do so. He felt the leather underneath his hand and felt a chill down his back. It still ached. He didn’t like leather very much.  
  
Percy came back with two bottles of water and two forks and sat down next to him. He took out the different containers and opened them up and the smell of it made Credence’s mouth water. He’d never had chinese at home before and he was hungrier than he had realized. Percy offered him one of the forks.  
  
“Take anything you’d like and as much as you want,” Percy said and stabbed a piece of chicken covered in rice and curry. Credence wondered if his stomach had rumbled. He hoped it hadn’t.  
  
  
He started out slow, barely daring to take any bites at all. It felt so odd, sitting there beside the man he’d known for many months now. Someone he felt like he knew and knew well, and yet he felt like he was sitting in a stranger’s home. A very, very kind and handsome stranger, but a stranger nonetheless.  
  
But... Percy wasn’t a stranger.  
  
And the weight of it made him barely able to swallow his food, his throat constricting as if his body tried to reject it. His skin felt too tight, too itchy to ignore. Percy knew him - and he knew him, too. But maybe the man hadn’t ever wanted to take it this far. Perhaps it should never have been this way. He knew he was a burden, he knew this kind, wonderful man should never have to do this much for him. He’d already done more than enough, already given him happiness that could never be expressed in words. And yet here he was, eating his food, intruding his private space, nagging, being in the way. Percy had a heart of gold and he was tearing at it now, scraping it away bit by bit until he’d be left bitter like he’d left everyone else bitter in his life.  
  
“Not a fan?”  
  
Credence flinched as he was brought back to reality. Reality.  
  
  
_Reality._  
  
  
He stared at Percy, sitting there beside him so peacefully, trying his best to not drop rice on the floor in the dorkiest way possible, a hand underneath his fork. Credence really, really wanted to kiss him.  
  
“I got other stuff too. I mean I can whip up some beans and dried pineapple. Really tasty,” he nodded to himself and chuckled and Credence felt all of the world fall away as all he heard was the comforting sound of his laughter. The comfort hurt, too.  
  
  
_Temporary._  
  
  
“I have no place else to go,” he choked out.  
  
Percy paused for a moment until he bit the piece of chicken from his fork off and then he spoke. Credence had been taught to never speak with his mouth full. “There’s no need to go any other place either, if you don’t want to.”  
  
Credence felt his insides tearing up, as if everything inside his chest was mere seconds from exploding into a black mass on the floor. He felt every single word he’d never had the confidence to say out loud just by the tip of his tongue and he held a hand over his mouth to keep it from spilling.  
  
He felt Percy’s arm around his shoulder, pulling him close. He felt his body melting by the point of contact, his exterior dripping down upon the leather. His tears, too, until the view of it was obscured by hazy eyes and artwork made at Percy’s expense, the paint the color of his own skin. He wasn’t sure how dates were supposed to go, but he was sure first dates didn’t include depressed sobbing. Not that any of this could be considered a date in the first place. He didn’t want it to be, not like this. He didn’t want to get Percy’s shirt wet.  
  
“Credence,” he said and this time Credence really listened to the way he said it. Like it was something he wanted to protect, valuable gold underneath his tongue that he didn’t want to spit out. It felt warm and safe there and he wanted to hear it a million times over until the goldmine ran dry. He wanted to hear Percy’s voice for hours. He wanted to know if the sweet words he’d told him online would sound the same as it did in his head. He knew it was selfish.  
  
“You can stay here indefinitely. For as long as you’d like. No expiration date.”  
  
Credence smiled weakly against his chest, though he couldn’t see. He felt a hand trace gentle circles by his neck. Maybe no date was the best type of date when it came to the two of them. He’d never felt safer and more uncertain in his life and he tried to ignore the loud siren in the back of his head.  
  
“And - Credence?”  
  
He nodded weakly, the sound of his name, the syllables spoken from Percy’s lips far too much to comprehend and answer to.  
  
“I’m really glad you’re here.”  
  
“I’m,” he started in return, but couldn’t get further. He hated how insecure and fragile he sounded. He felt the arm around his shoulders tighten just a little. Maybe none of it mattered right now. “I’m really overwhelmed.”  
  
“No wonder, lionheart. Brave of you to venture here all by yourself. You must be exhausted too.” His words oozed of proudness and not a single trace of condescent. He started to notice how heavy his eyelids had gotten and how worn out his body felt. Yeah, maybe Percy was right. He wanted to tell him everything, but he didn’t have the energy. Not right now, anyway.  
  
“I’ll find something for you to sleep in and an extra duvet. You can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch.”  
  
He nodded, but he didn’t want to leave the embrace. He was scared he’d never find himself within the heat of the fire again like this. Maybe this was why they called the devil tempting. No one ever wanted to leave his warm arms until they’d been scorched to ashes.  
  
Or maybe this was how standing at Heaven’s gates felt. Like honest, open arms that would never leave his skin hurting.  
  
Percy smiled at him as he gently let go and it reminded him of blue skies in the summertime. Unreachable yet impossibly beautiful.  
  
He wanted to argue about taking - stealing - his bed, but he didn’t want to cause unnecessary trouble, so he kept quiet.  
  
  
Percy got up and cleared the table, striding between the kitchen and the living room. It felt natural for a minute, domestic even. Like it was always this way and this was just another cozy afternoon.  
  
He heard water running and turn off again and Percy stepped out from the kitchen again, wiping his hands off on his jeans. “Duvet, right,” he mumbled to himself, spun around himself and Credence felt his lips tug into a smile. He was less intimidating like this; awkward and confused too, a little all over the place.  
  
He reemerged from what he presumed to be the bedroom and threw a duvet and a set of sleepwear over the back of the couch. He still hadn’t moved, but in his defense, he didn’t really know where to move to.  
  
“That’s for you,” he said, nodding to the clothes, “and bathroom’s right in there.” He pointed to the opposite side of the kitchen. He nodded in return, took the clothes in his hands and walked past Percy without looking up. He closed the bathroom door softly behind him and exhaled shakily. His breath was still unsteady. He stared at his own reflection in the mirror and barely recognized the face staring back. It was as if he saw his life through a fish-eye lens and he couldn’t make sense of any of it. Maybe sleep would do him good. Except he was scared that once he woke up, he’d be back in Bridgeport and none of it would’ve been real.  
  
He took his own clothes off and folded them neatly before switching into Percy’s. It smelled like detergent and the slacks had been a bit too big for his hips had it not been for drawstrings that he tied into a lazy bow.  
  
He stared at himself again. The shirt was nothing special, just a black one that could’ve come from any store. But it belonged to Percy. He’d probably slept in it several times judging by the wear on it from plenty of washes. And same went for the grey slacks. It felt extraordinary. He lifted the hem of the shirt up to his nose and breathed in deep and he had wished it would smell like lavender too, but it didn’t. Perhaps Percy’s bed would instead. He felt himself smiling again, even more this time. _Percy’s bed_. He felt a blush on his cheeks and felt his entire body squealing all the way to his core. If it was all just a dream anyway, he could allow himself to enjoy the moment.  
  
He could wake up tomorrow and buy a bouquet of lavenders and pretend.  
  
  
It was alright.  
  
  
He went back out, his clothes in his hands and saw Percy in the midst of changing his shirt there in the middle of the living room. His mouth dried up and found himself unable to move.  
  
Percy tugged the shirt down, ran a hand through his hair and smiled as he walked over to him, saying “all good?”, as if he was completely oblivious to the reason why Credence’s eyes were on him.  
  
“Yeah, all good,” he somehow found voice to say.  
  
“Good,” he said and his hand landed on his shoulder. Credence almost leaned into it. He lead them towards the bedroom. “Right, I didn’t change the sheets but they’re pretty new so I hope it’s no problem.”  
  
He shook his head, no, definitely not a problem and he admired the room. It was darker than the rest of the apartment and the lamp above wasn’t as bright either. It was calming and he wondered if it was the intention. The hand on his shoulder fell away. He set the clothes down on a counter and looked to Percy for approval unintentionally, at which Percy just gently nodded acceptingly.  
  
“If there’s anything else you need, then I’m right in there.”  
  
A kiss on his forehead. A tight hug. A warm hand on the back of his neck.  
  
For all of it to be real.  
  
“All good,” he repeated himself. _‘Where’s your voice, you rat?’_ he heard a familiar voice say in the back of his mind. "Thank you."  
  
Percy nodded and suddenly moved close to him, his lips nearly against his forehead as if to place a kiss there but then he hesitated, as if he didn’t dare to pull through. He felt his own heart race, the sound of the voice gone, all blood flowing to his head. It made him lightheaded.  
  
“Night,” Percy then whispered softly against his temple and left the room, flicking the light off on his way out, leaving the door open.  
  
He stood there speechless, the phantom feeling of Percy’s lips on his forehead lingering.  
  
He felt like he floated towards the bed, though his feet felt sluggish and his hands too heavy to carry. He carefully crawled onto it and tried to remind himself that it was just a dream. A very long dream, but a dream nonetheless. He was overwhelmed by the smell of lavender and something distinctly Percy. He was surrounded by it, by his sheets, his pillow under his head. He’d never slept anywhere this comfortable. The duvet felt heavy against him, almost like a constant hug and he sank into the mattress beneath, soft like clouds. He could hear the faint buzz of the city outside and he almost felt like he could hear Percy breathing softly beside him. He wasn’t alone.  
  
He wondered if Percy was a snorer.  
  
He was laying right in there, in the next room. So close that it hurt.  
  
When did Percy normally wake up?  
  
  
Too close to the flame.  
  
  
Did he always take his coffee black?  
  
He could imagine that this would last forever. He could imagine it wouldn't.  
  
  
It ached.  
  
  
He wouldn't be alone.   
  
  
He wasn't -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wELP ANYWAY,,,,
> 
> I'm thinking about changing the POV up for the next chapter, if y'all are interested in seeing Percy's thoughts and all?


	5. Daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I bloody love you all for your sweet comments. I hope you will all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> This one's from Percy's POV.

Percy stared at the roof. For minutes.  
  
  
Then hours.  
  
  
He wasn’t sure how the hell he was going to fall asleep with Credence - Credence, goddamn it - in the next room. Nothing could have prepared him for seeing the broken boy on his doorstep. Like a scene taken from a dream or a sappy movie that he’d only watch when he was wasted late at night. How in the world was this happening to him all of a sudden?  
  
The universe had to be playing games.  
  
He had of course noticed Credence’s absence online, no doubt. But it hadn’t been the first time he hadn’t logged on for a couple of days and he had tried not to worry about it. He felt a guilty punch to the gut, realizing he probably should have.  
  
  
He knew Credence wasn’t treated well at home. He’d dropped hints about his mother being overly strict and he always complained that he was cold or hungry, but not in a whiney way. It had seemed off, but he hadn’t known it was bad enough for him to run away though. The guilt grew larger. _“I have no place else to go,”_ he hears the boy’s voice in his head. Had he been kicked out? And why was Percy his go-to?  
  
  
He had looked absolutely miserable there in the dark, his face full of tears and frankly Percy had wanted to do nothing more than keep him safe and hold him in his arms until the stars fell from the sky.  
  
He also knew he couldn’t do that.  
  
Sure, he had flirted for fun at first when he first met him. He’d seen his avatar and randomly asked for help, merely because he liked his username. He’d been pretty depressed those four months ago, tired of the boring rhythm of his workdays, tired of life not going anywhere, half his life already spent. Everyone else around him finding a joy in that, while he stood in the bathroom trying to get rid of an everlasting headache that made him want to throw up.  
  
  
He hadn’t known much about the boy for the first three months or so. They’d called each other P and C to begin with and it had been nice, simple. Just banter and pointless flirting that mostly seemed to go unnoticed on Credence’s part. He’d realized a bit later on that the boy was younger than himself and out of respect, he had told him his age, which he hadn’t minded. Two days later Credence had told him his own age and Percy had maybe minded it a tad, mostly because he felt slightly like a creep for flirting. He’d reminded himself that it was just that though. _Flirting._  
  
Except it very much wasn’t just flirting. Two months into their friendship, he’d drowned a little too much rum and coke and the epiphany had struck him with force like Thor’s hammer. Something had instantly clicked. It had all seemed so natural, like a prickling sensation under his skin, working its way to his heart. Slowly but surely crawling to his lips and causing him to smile on a daily basis. He hadn’t been used to that for years, if ever, really.  
  
  
“You are what the french say. Á corps perdu,” Newt had said at work. “Head over heels.”  
  
And well, it was true. Credence was like no one else and he hadn’t even had his name at the time nor a face to put to his words. But it hadn’t mattered, still didn’t. More often than not it felt as if Credence was there to save him. As if an angel had been sent from a god he didn’t believe in. It was ridiculous, really. He was just a boy.  
  
“You might be right,” was all he had said in return.  
  
  
He’d caught himself enjoying sitting on his balcony with a beer or a cup of coffee in his hand watching the sun go up, wondering if Credence was somewhere doing the same.  
  
One too many times he’d wondered what Credence would sound like if he was there beside him, laughing at some awkward joke he’d come up with to make the boy smile and have his hand in his own.  
  
He’d even found himself thanking whoever was up there or down there for bringing him into his life and he was about the least religious person he knew.  
  
  
Fine, so Newt was right. He was head over heels, there was no denying that. Head over heels for someone half his age with his whole life in front of him. Someone who shouldn’t be tied down with a man with a boring job and bad drinking habits. He’d been kidding himself to think it was a good idea, but christ. The boy was here, for heaven’s sake. Why would he be in his apartment now if the universe hadn’t conspired to make it happen. Maybe it was Percy’s responsibility to take care of him now, make sure he got where he was supposed to.  
  
  
Damn it.  
  
  
He had to be logical about this and be an adult. He had to hold back and not take what the boy wasn’t ready to give. Clearly there was many how’s and why’s to be answered and it was more important to figure those things out first. He had to find out what the hell the universe was trying to do. It was the best comfort he could give him and he had to remind himself that it was for the best to lock all else he felt away for time being.  
  
  
He groaned and turned on the couch, the leather groaning in return underneath him. _I know_ , he thought.  
  
Outside he could hear the gentle roar of the city starting to wake up as the room started to get lighter. He hadn’t gotten a minute of sleep. He grabbed his phone from the table to check the time. 5:52 am. He wasn’t going to. He put it back down and rubbed his eyes and temples. He tried to close his eyes and force himself to sleep for a couple of minutes, but he knew it was a lost cause.  
  
  
_Jesus christ._ Was it too early for a drink?  
  
  
He got up with a yawn and walked past the bedroom to the kitchen to get a can of energy drink instead. Healthy? No. Enough to keep him awake? Yes.  
  
He stopped dead in his tracks before he could get there though. The sight that met him in the bedroom was enough to make any man stop, really, he told himself. The subtle streaks of light from the window illuminated the boy who laid there between the dark sheets, _his_ dark sheets. The fact that the sun was shining was odd in itself - sure, winter was coming to an end, but it was as if Credence had brought springtime mornings with him. The duvet was barely covering him and Percy could tell he’d taken his shirt off during the night.  
  
He would’ve admired the boy’s milky, exposed skin, but he immediately noticed that it was stained and tarnished by scars - and, newer wounds? Percy’s mouth went dry and his stomach sank. _No fucking way._ His back was red and bruised from the bottom of his nape to his tailbone and some looked like they glistened, fresh and alarming.  
  
“Credence,” he whispered to himself breathlessly, his head spinning with guilt and disbelief. Credence shuffled a little and he immediately dragged himself away from the door. _Holy fuck._ Who in their right mind would do that to their own kid? Who in their right fucking mind-  
  
He opened the fridge harshly enough to make bottles clatter. His hands felt numb and cold and he could barely see through his own anger.  
  
He should’ve known something wasn’t right, but he’d written it off as ‘just’ depression or anxiety. Written it off as things he couldn’t fix, only help the boy through. But this - this was something else entirely. The boy’s head wasn’t the only thing tormenting him, clearly his own fucking mother-  
  
He breathed in deep, his nostrils flaring. No wonder the kid felt like he was fucked up. No wonder he acted so skittish and scared. He closed the fridge again, his hands empty.  
  
  
He walked back into the living room on legs of stone to sit down on the couch, staring numbly into the dimly lit bedroom. No wonder he had ran away. Was this what the universe had wanted to show him? _Fucking hell._ How was he going to ignore this and not comment on it when Credence woke up? He couldn’t just act like he’d never seen it. He buried his face in his hands and slumped down. He swore he’d hunt the bitch down who did this to his- the boy. He’d make her life a living hell, he’d make sure she would go to jail- he, fuck. He had only heard about abuse like this, never met or seen anyone actually affected by it. He had no idea how to deal with it properly, how to be subtle and gentle and not scare the boy off. One thing was for sure. He had to ignore it, for now at least. Catching the boy off guard would be unfair and would without a doubt cause more insecurity than comfort.  
  
He heard movement and rustling from the bedroom, bringing him out of his headspace and his eyes shot up again. He had to ignore it, damn it. Credence wasn’t in view, but he could hear faint sounds and something that sounded like a yawn before the boy appeared in the doorway.  
  
“Morning,” Credence said quietly, as if he didn’t really dare to speak, and all he managed in return was a faint ‘hi’ before going speechless at the sight of him. His hair was far messier than it had been last night, his slacks riding awfully low on his hips, too. He had put the shirt back on, none the wiser that Percy knew what he was hiding underneath. He would normally have felt a tug of possessiveness at seeing someone in his clothes, but all he felt was the anger that had still to fade flare up again.  
  
The boy stood there silently, scratching the back of his neck with an unasked question in his eyes. If the boy had courage to ask it, he’d probably say _“Is any of this real?”_ and Percy wouldn’t know how to answer it. He had an overwhelming urge to invite him to sit in his lap, cradle him in a blanket and make sure no one could lay a hand on him again. If only he could assess the wounds, treat them - make sure they didn’t get infected.  
  
“You want some coffee?”  
  
Credence nodded and a soft smile tugged at the corner of his lip. He got up and stopped in front of him. The boy looked at him with his head bowed slightly, his eyes a bundle of nervousness and gentleness.  
  
“You can just move my shi- stuff from the couch and watch some TV if you want,” Percy said, remembering to not rudely swear like a damn sailor and gestured to the couch before going out to turn on the electric kettle. Credence still didn’t move and Percy went over to stand close to him by the doorframe. Maybe he should make them some breakfast too, but he knew he didn’t really have anything. He never ate anything in the morning himself.  
  
“Anything you feel like doing today?” he tried instead, doing his best to not pressure him. Frankly he had no idea what to suggest for them to do. The movies? Going to the zoo? Shopping? Nothing at all? The latter would probably be the best, but selfishly he wanted something to break the ice.  
  
Credence shrugged and his eyes were once again on Percy’s hands like they had been last night. It was odd; no, different, more like it. He felt admired in such a subtle way that he wouldn’t have known it was happening if they hadn’t known each other as well as they did, even if he had yet to properly learn his body language.  
  
But Percy knew that Credence liked him. At least he had liked him a lot. Maybe his actual self was disappointing, but the boy still seemed intrigued and interested in staying. Or perhaps it was wishful thinking, because well, he had nowhere else to go.  
  
The way the boy looked at him though, like he was busy memorizing him, was enough to make Percy shiver internally. He crossed his arms - just to test it - and he saw Credence’s eyes flicker from his own eyes to his arms and then away. The boy was clearly blushing like he’d been caught staring at his crotch instead. Percy suppressed a chuckle, not from secondhand embarrassment but from the overwhelming feeling of warm honey dripping from his heart.  
  
Head over heels, alright.  
  
“We can stay in, if you’d like. Just watch movies or lay on the floor and listen to music, whatever you’re into,” Percy suggested, smiling without even thinking about it. _Yeah, that would make a perfect middle ground and break the ice for sure. Perfect._  “We can order pizzas for dinner and eat whatever I have in the cupboards.”  
  
Credence nodded and started to bite his thumb, his words coming out weakly. “You don’t have work to do?” He looked so impossibly innocent and fragile and Percy couldn’t understand why anyone with a brain could want to hurt this sweet, precious boy.  
  
“Nah, I’m sort of my own boss. I do what I want.”  
  
The boy chuckled softly and stared at the floor. “Okay. Thank you.”  
  
  
  
  
They spent the day just watching random movies they'd find on Netflix - something he could tell that Credence wasn't used to.  
  
"And- you can just... watch all these? Always?"  
  
He'd nodded in return and watched the excitement sparkle in those brown eyes.  
  
The same excitement he saw when he told him about Spotify and showed him the extensive library of music he could listen to at his own accord. Of course reminding him that he could use his computer at any time if he wasn't using it himself.  
  
The shy, yet thankful smile he'd gotten was enough to make his heart race.  
  
  
  
Later they'd ordered pizza and once they’d eaten, they watched yet another terrible movie that Credence fell asleep to halfway through. Percy carried him off to bed, swearing he saw a smile on the boy’s face and a hand grabbing softly onto the back of his shirt.  
  
Percy also swore he felt his own heart skip a beat.  
  
“Thank you,” Credence softly whispered once he’d put him down and he blamed his own tiredness for the fact that he couldn’t help but to run a gentle hand over the boy’s flushed cheek. He sniffled and buried his head deeper into the pillow underneath his touch and the sight made Percy lose his breath.  
  
“Always,” he whispered in return and went off to the living room to sleep too.  
  
It felt like it was meant to be like this. Like Percy was supposed to save the boy from his abusive home and Credence was supposed to make things okay again.  
  
It all aligned.  
  
He somehow didn’t have much trouble falling asleep that night for the first time in forever.


End file.
